Capture

And from the same season....

The stars shine brighter tonight:
They celebrate as I rip off my second skin.
Beauty and darkness fight it out,
To wrench the pain from my body.
It is pain that this is pain to me.
How can I look at myself and you,
With this blemish on me,
That spreads like cancer over my soul?
To hold lies because they feel safe,
To risk sinking and drowning,
So I can hold a useless stone in my hand?
I choose true beauty: I choose you, Lord.

Turning Away

I wrote this one a while ago....

I give birth to adieu,
The pain of release returning,
Yet this is a fresh battle,
Spiked as never before.
It is death to hold it in.
I grab my face, forcing it round:
I must see your choice.
You choose and choose and choose...
Maybe there is rejuvenation,
After this cull.
All I'm doing, is walking as I should have,
But I have to wrench myself onto that path.

Today

Your smile makes me flutter,

Like it’s still 1987;

And turn away in efficiency,

As if I’d never seen you at all.

I know you live in far flung places,

With writing on the wall.

I have nothing to say to you.

I make myself walk away.

Does your ego need the boost of knowing,

What I withhold from you today?

I don’t know if this thing grows;

In the hothouse of my woes,

In the vacuum left by patience,

Or like a weed that pushes its way in?

I cannot knowingly be part,

Of creating barren land.

So bring on the weedkiller,

Tear out the roots,

Wash my heart down with water,

And unclench my fingers from your smile.

28/11/09